Go to the transfer! This is the ultimate bonding moment between you and your surrogate. Believe us, you want to be there if you can!
• Remember, your surrogate wants you to be involved. She is doing this to change your life! Stay in contact with her. If you think about her during the day, shoot her a text and tell her so! A kind word can really make her day.
• Set aside some time each week to chat by phone or Skype. We find that a regularly designated time works best. Sunday evenings are often a convenient time. Let this take a position of priority in your schedule – it’s good for everyone!
• When talking with your surrogate, make sure to ask about more than just the pregnancy — how is she liking that prenatal fitness class? Are her kids having fun at soccer? How is her partner’s job going? Finding ways to connect about your lives outside of the pregnancy will forge a stronger bond, and will make it clear that you are interested in her as a person.
• Try not to micro-manage. Remember, she’s done this before, and she has been through a rigorous screening process. Unless you think that you have a valid reason to be worried, try not to sweat the small stuff!
• In the event that you DO believe that you have a valid reason to be concerned about something – bring it to us, and let us be the “bad cop.” We will broach the issue with your surrogate so that you don’t have to have an uncomfortable conversation. We want you to be able to focus on the positives, and let us handle any negatives!
• Try to be involved in the big pregnancy appointments, such as the gender ultrasound. If you are an international IP, this is a bit more challenging – but think about Skyping into the appointment, or doing a Facetime chat during the sonogram.
• Leave the money issues to us whenever possible. We are here to handle the financial process, and to take that burden off your shoulders. Should you have questions about your funds, we are always happy to provide an accounting.
• Be careful about becoming friends on Facebook. Sometimes, less is more. And when it comes to Facebook, we find that it is often better to hold off on “friending” your surrogate until after the baby is born. At the very least, you may want to consider only allowing her limited access to your profile, and vice versa.