Guiding Your Children through the Surrogacy Journey
The surrogacy journey begins long before a baby arrives. For months, both the surrogate and the intended parents navigate medical, legal, and logistical steps to prepare for a healthy pregnancy. But they may not be the only ones affected.I gotta go
A surrogate’s children will notice changes in their mom’s body, hear conversations about appointments, and eventually learn that the baby she’s carrying will not be coming home with them. How and when a surrogate talks to her kids about the journey can shape their experience just as much for her family’s experience of the journey as any other part of the preparation.
Before the Pregnancy Begins
A surrogacy journey unfolds in stages, and a surrogate’s children may experience each of those stages differently. Early on, the process is mostly invisible to them. Their mother may be going to unfamiliar medical appointments or talking about helping another family have a baby, but nothing about daily life has visibly changed. That makes this the easiest phase to overlook when it comes to talking to the kids, but it’s also the most valuable one. Children who hear about surrogacy before the pregnancy becomes physically apparent have time to absorb the idea gradually and are more likely to ask questions as they come up.
Simple, concrete language works better than medical explanations, especially for younger children. The conversation can focus on the idea that their mother has chosen to help another family have a baby. As questions come up, children can gradually learn that the baby will go home with that family after birth and that their own family relationships are not changing. A comparison to babysitting or helping a friend can make the idea more tangible for children who are too young to grasp the biology. Older children often respond better to a more direct explanation of how surrogacy works and why their mother chose to become a surrogate.
Children’s books can be helpful during this stage because they give families a shared language for discussing surrogacy before the pregnancy becomes more visible. One frequently recommended by the Creative Family Connections team is The Kangaroo Pouch by Sarah Phillips; it tells the story of a young kangaroo whose mother becomes a surrogate for another family. Reading books like this together before the pregnancy begins allows children to become familiar with the idea and gives them a story they can revisit as new questions arise throughout the journey.
During the Pregnancy
Once the pregnancy is confirmed and the surrogate’s body begins to change, the experience shifts from something children have heard about to something they can see. Their mother may be tired, nauseated, or physically limited in ways that affect daily routines, and doctor’s appointments become a more visible part of family life. What was once an idea introduced through conversations or books is now something unfolding in front of them.
Sources:
https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/12/health/children-of-surrogates-wellness
We are thrilled to share that Creative Family Connections will be featured on All Access with Andy Garcia. Tune in for an inspiring look at the CFC story and how our team provides proactive, ethical support throughout every surrogacy journey.